For as long as I can remember, I tried to be the good one.
The polite one. The responsible one. The one who didn’t cause a fuss.
I thought that was just who I was — someone who liked order, who cared deeply, who wanted to get it right.
But healing has a way of holding up a mirror.
And what I saw staring back…
Wasn’t just a personality trait.
It was a mask.
When Perfectionism Becomes Protection
Perfectionism became my safety.
If I did everything right, maybe no one would get upset.
If I was liked by everyone, maybe I’d be protected from rejection.
If I stayed small, invisible, agreeable — maybe I wouldn’t be hurt again.
The scariest part was realising just how much of my self-worth I tied to how others saw me.
I didn’t just want to be liked.
I felt like I had to be liked — to be safe.
It was exhausting.
Managing everyone else’s perception while slowly losing sight of my own truth.
Learning to Let the Mask Go
Letting go of that mask has been hard.
Even now, I still feel the urge to:
- “Perform” when I feel anxious
- Default to what I think others want from me
- Earn my place by being agreeable or useful
But healing has taught me to pause and ask:
“Do I actually want this? Or am I trying to be what someone else expects of me?”
What Healing Looks Like for Me Now
Healing has meant learning to:
- Be okay with being misunderstood
- Be okay with not being perfect
- Be okay with being me — even if not everyone approves
I’m learning that worth isn’t something I have to earn through perfection.
It’s something I already have, just by being here.
If You’ve Been Wearing a Mask Too…
Whether your mask looks like:
- People-pleasing
- Perfectionism
- Playing the strong one
- Hiding your needs
- Keeping the peace at your own expense
You’re not alone.
You put it on for a reason.
It protected you when you needed it to.
And now, piece by piece — you get to take it off.
This is part of the work.
And you’re not doing it alone.
Ness
Traversing Trauma 
Leave a comment