Some days are heavier than others. If you’ve ever found yourself overwhelmed by intense emotions and the urge to self-harm, I want you to know: you’re not alone.
For a long time, pain felt like the only way to cope. But as I’ve moved through my trauma recovery journey, I’ve learned that there are other ways to survive those moments — ways that don’t require me to turn against myself.
Here are five grounding techniques that have helped me manage self-harm urges and regulate my nervous system when everything feels too much.
1. Practice Square Breathing
When your body is in fight-or-flight mode, breath is your anchor.
Square breathing is a simple yet powerful technique:
- Inhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds
- Exhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds
Repeat 3–4 times, and visualise a square as you breathe. This calms your mind and helps signal safety to your nervous system.
2. Move Your Body
When the urge to self-harm builds, shifting energy physically can interrupt the spiral.
Try:
- Walking laps around your space
- Stretching your arms and legs
- Doing jumping jacks or shaking it out
Movement doesn’t need to be intense — just enough to break the freeze and remind your body that you’re still in control.
3. Connect with Someone Safe
Isolation can magnify urges. Reaching out doesn’t mean explaining everything — just letting someone in.
Send a message like:
“Can we chat about something random for a bit?”
or
“Hey, I’m struggling. Can we talk?”
Human connection can help regulate emotions and soothe that part of you that feels alone in the pain.
4. Use Healthy Distractions
Distraction isn’t avoidance — it’s a valid coping tool when used intentionally.
Here are a few gentle self-soothing activities:
- Watch a comfort show
- Scribble thoughts in a journal
- Wrap yourself in a blanket
- Play a calming game
- Listen to grounding music
The goal is to keep yourself company until the intensity fades.
5. Remind Yourself: This is Temporary
Self-harm urges can feel like they’ll last forever, but they don’t.
They rise, they peak, and they pass.
You don’t have to act on the thought.
You can choose a different response — even if that choice is just to pause.
You’re not weak. You’re in pain. And you deserve support.
These coping strategies won’t “fix” everything, but they can offer enough space to get through the wave safely. Keep them somewhere close — your notes app, a printed card, a saved post — and come back to them when you need.
If you’re struggling, you don’t have to do it alone. Please consider reaching out to a therapist, support line, or safe person in your life.
You’re doing the best you can. Keep choosing gentleness.
With love,
— Ness 🤍
Traversing Trauma 
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